Yesterday a client was speaking about how she worries about not being good at sex.

What I explained to her is that thinking about whether her technique, her skills, her abilities, how well she performs or how sexy she is, is Not the answer to powerful deeply pleasurable and alive intimate connections.

She was focused on the “wrong” areas, what would actually be more aligned to her liberation of sex and embodiment would be to focus on……

How present she is to HER OWN PLEASURE, EMOTIONS, ENERGY AND ESSENTIALLY……HER ALIVENESS

Honing in on these aspects of self are what essentially allows you to become sensitive to those things in others too.

This requires you to develop your body’s intuitive nature and response system without thinking about what you are doing but rather responding to the energy being activated; and then knowing how to move with it AND move the energy throughout the system, basically be an epic conductor.

It requires attunement of oneself to the subtle cues within, that lead you to respond in ways that support your deepening.

This is why sex is a dance, it’s a dance of energy, of connection and of bodies responding to one another (or responding to the various compartments of self if your masterbating).

Sure the mind comes into it too but sex is naturally of the body, the mind is there to direct, to inspire and to take stock of what works and what doesn’t.

High achieving and perfectionism don’t make you good at sex…in fact, it makes you TERRIBLE AT SEX!

I always wondered why high achievers ground me, it was because I sensed how much they tried and how it was a mechanism to keep themselves safe from the chaos of nature which lives in their bodies.

It’s a form of containing and controlling nature out of fear of acknowledging that we are nature and being unbound has its gifts.

Being with someone who is dead set on doing it right feels uncomfortable and as though they are smothering you with their agenda of being good and doing a good job so that they feel worthy and successful.

URGH YUCK.

I am not saying you should not up-skill, you definitely should because there certainly is a requirement for good technique, but if you are overly focused on this, all it does is keep you in your head and then you wonder why the magic isn’t happening?

Because the magic of sex moves through the body. Magic knows and welcomes chaos as well as order. Magic is the feelings that arise and manifest when we let go and surrender to existence and allow existence to move us.

There are things that machines cannot mimic.
You can learn techniques via apps and sex toys and these are great additions to your sexual and sensual evolution…

BUT

You cannot learn how to navigate your inner magical and sexy worlds from that alone.

I believe the best aphrodisiac is to learn how to feel, open, surrender and to dance and that is why all the work I produce is centered solely around that.

Sex and sensuality are apart of the mysteries of existence. The body is a tool for discovering all that we are and that pathway is hidden in the dark.

To have a map to the exact same place in the body would remove the mystery and magic of the most exquisitely mysterious and exciting places.

You are not a machine. You are an incredible entity of kaleidoscopic experiencing.

Stop trying so hard and invest in being a deeper more soulful more embodied human being.