WHAT PORNOS DON’T SHOW YOU IS….
That sex and emotions are one and the same.
You wonder why your partner doesn’t want sex anymore?
When was the last time the two of you were deeply vulnerable and lay your chests open with your hearts bare letting yourselves see each other’s pain?
You wonder why you struggle to orgasm?
When was the last time you both surrendered to your joy so deeply free of inhibitions that the energy of your laughter levitated you with tears and then dropped you back onto earth with messy hair and a stained face?
You wonder why you keep dating people who don’t fall in love with you?
When did you last fall off a cliff into the darkness descending down into the unknown, opening yourself up to the treasures of the dark?
You wonder why you ejaculate too soon?
When was the last time you let pleasure shake through your system and cried out in bliss not giving a fuck if you looked sexy and had it all “under control”?
Sexual energy is emotional FEELING energy.
To feel the intensity and expansiveness of sex you must be willing to feel all the other expressions. You must be willing to express all and everything that is running through your system.
If there are unspoken feelings and those feels have accumulated and hardened they will manifest distance, a loss of desire, loss of libido, an aversion to connecting with your partner, avoidance tendencies by keeping busy with everything else but intimacy with your lover.
The other night I reconnected with a beloved. Our bodies were close but it felt like there were universes between us.
It felt like a million stories were running around in my head (because those stories are always so much more dramatic when you are holding them in).
I felt anxious, I couldn’t relax, I couldn’t surrender, I didn’t know how or what I was feeling.
He gently said to me “maybe it will help if you start speaking those stories”
So out they came, one at a time…
“You abandoned me”
“You didn’t put me first”
“You didn’t hear me when I needed to be heard”
Once I named all these thoughts my mind started to slow down and then I heard him say, now bite the head of that anxiety. I saw a praying mantis in my mind and it bit my head off.
The space in between our bodies closed in, our worlds came together, there was no longer this gaping energetic distance.
His skin suddenly transformed from prickles to silk.
Our hearts felt magnetic and were charging up and pulling each other in.
The rest is a blur because once the things were named, it freed up our systems so our eros, our energy could flow and then we merged as one.
We were once again open, in harmony, the sex was mind-blowing to say the least.
This is what happens when you relieve yourself of all the stories, all the resent, all the unspoken things, all the unmet needs. When you see each other, feel each other, receive each other with love and patience….when the feelings have space to be felt then the body can make love just like it did when you first fell in love.
If you and your partner have years of built-up resent, baggage lagging, unspoken needs…start cleaning it up! But you may need some help if there is a lot there! You will certainly need some tools!
Do the workshops, learn how to maturely communicate, get practical tools under your belts…and no you were not taught this in school! But you should have been!
Commit to discovering how to deepen your connection to self and other and you will find that all those things you craved were right in front of you but you just didn’t know how to see it, feel it, celebrate it.
Whether you want mind-blowing cosmic earth devouring sex with a long term partner or you want to feel free and alive and also safe with a new partner…you must recognise that your emotions come into it, they have a place within sex…
INTIMACY – IN-TO-ME-YOU-SEE
Time to upgrade?