Not because the man I was with had any form of power over me, but because I allowed myself to believe that I was a victim to life and therefore a victim in that relationship.
I left that relationship after fighting it for so long because the next step was to have a baby. My entire body contracted even though I wanted babies more than anything. I could not open sexually, I would be de-armouring my vagina in tears trying to work out what the fuck was wrong with ME and why couldn’t open.
But the truth was that I had betrayed myself. I had been told by my intuition over and over to get out. But I stayed. I even had Tony Robbins personally do a process on me in front of 5000 people where I blurted out the words “I have to break up with my boyfriend” and I STILL stayed in it for another year.
I had been living a lie, sacrificing my true expression and power to fit into an appropriate box of what I thought I ‘should’ be. We were both playing out games of control and we were both rebelling against love and yet being codependent as fuck.
I love that man very much, still to this day, but I could no longer allow myself to be dominated by shadow, both my own and his.
I originally created Awakening Men to teach women about the tantric methods I knew and how they could bring them into their own relationships & practices. But it became something so profoundly different from that. The truth is, women need to heal their relationship to men but they have look within first!
What I didn’t consciously realise was that my soul was trying to lead me to transform my own inner landscape when it came to how I related to men.
After I left that partner I met a new man who was an unlikely candidate and it happened really fast.
We submerged once again into shadow and exposed almost the identical behaviours of my prior relationship, just in a different format. It was ‘victim-perpetrator’, the very dynamic that is playing out in our world collectively.
Thankfully we were able to move through our shit because we both have immersed in the transformational realms and were committed to growth. We faced ourselves over and over and over again, and we continue to do so until this very day.
But the greatest lesson I have learnt being with this man (the man in the picture) is the importance of staying in my own lane. The power of my sovereignty.
This is something that was activated in Awakening Men and I have been journeying its lessons and gifts ever since.
The new paradigm of sovereignty in the relationship. The power of wholeness. Where two people live according to their soul truth and trust that whatever comes from that place is perfect even if it hurts.
Although we still have our shit (we are both firey as fuck) and we have explored open relating, closed, breakups and everything else in between.
This is the most nourishing and real relationship I have ever been in. A relationship where there is no obligation to be anything other than ourselves and if that means we stay together or end up with others or have kids then move on, or grow old together, then so be it. We hold no attachments and every time those sneaky little programs come in we tend to burn it all down again pretty fast.
Awakening Men changed me and continues to do so every time I step into that space. Why? Because each time I face my illusions around men and grow myself up into a whole ass human.
Although I have felt myself to be a victim to men, I am not nor have I ever been, even when that other ex-boyfriend strangled and beat me.
The men in my life have always just been a reflection of my own inner world and self-worth. Recognising this as the TRUTH within my entire body has shown me just how fucking incredible I am.
If your relationship to men is one of suffering, it’s because you have an imbalance in your perspective and have not fully activated the truth of who you are.
The truth is that you are a powerful being and no one or nothing has power over you.
Come and be apart of a movement of women who both love men and also deeply know they can run the world.
Awakening Men for women.
Shift your inner world and watch the world out there transform before your eyes, like magic.