There is a lot of focus on boundaries and consent and for good reason.
But more often than not when the words ‘boundaries and consent’ are muttered, we immediately think of us and the outside world. How can we assert our boundaries on the world to ensure we navigate “safety”.
And don’t get me wrong, learning about boundaries and consent between self and other is essential. Betty Martin’s Wheel of Consent is basically the only tool you will ever need to learn about this. It’s fucking great! I haven’t come across anything else that is as comprehensive, practical and as intricate as her method and each time I explore it I Iearn something new about myself.
However, what is not so often spoken to (conveniently) is the truth that your ability to have healthy boundaries out in the world starts with your ability to have healthy boundaries with yourself; which means…
YOUR INTERNAL WORLD AND ALL THE WAYS YOU NAVIGATE IT.
No matter how much I have tried to practice my boundaries in the world, in intimate relationships, with friends, with family members and so on…nothing has quite taken effect like getting to know how I, myself lack boundaries with the voices in my head and the feelings I allow to run rampage through my system.
I had a client tonight and we were exploring some demons who were directing her life.
She then asked me if there was any value in those little demons voices within.
My answer was Yes.
To show us where we need to evolve from.
All the ways we shit on ourselves, take from ourselves, overgive certain aspects of ourselves, distort our perceptions of ourselves…. is on us (and the people we hire to support us) to uncover exactly how we are playing out our own dysfunctional boundaries within and to then carve a new pathway, to make new choices that are in greater alignment with who we know we really are.
Her inner demon who was bossing her around (not in the sexy sense) has nothing to do with anyone outside of her and everything to do with what she is allowing to play out inside of her.
If you have voices inside of you (which you do) that make you feel like shit then you have to say ‘No more!’ to that voice.
You have to go on the journey of getting truthful with yourself and then exercise stronger boundaries within and get real fucking discerning with what you allow to direct your movie.
It might seem like the inner world and all its characters, heroes, monsters, demons and story narratives are the hologram…the world of imagination…But its actually the other way round, the external world is a hologram of what consciousness we prescribe too.
If your consciousness is full of shit characters doing shit things then the world outside is going to mirror that.
Where are your internal boundaries lacking?
Where do you override your sensitivity, lack in a strong mindset, don’t keep your word with self, don’t show up for your dreams, spend to much time on social media, choose not to exercise, allow other people to determine how you feel, bypass your intuition, eat food that makes you feel shitty, shame your sexuality and so on.